Beyblade War Of the Gods - Thunder Dome - Jan. 25, 2013
So my other stories have not gone well so I decided to try one last attempt at making one. I will try to get one up often so this doesn't end up like my others.
Chapter 1:Rage of Hermes
It was 11:00 AM and the park was filled with bladers. They all came to prepare for a big tournament to decide who gets to go to the World Championships. There were some strong bladers and some weak ones. One of the best was home town hero Ricky. He had black hair and wore jeans and a T-shirt. Ricky had a bey pasted down from his father. Warrior Zeus S125 (Spark 125. Has thunder bolts on it) EF (Electric Flat. A LF for Right spins).
"3, 2, 1 Let it Rip!!!" shouted two bladers both with excitement.
Both tops were clashing as hard as they could. Ricky couldn't keep just watching and challenged a blader cloaked in black robes.
"Wanna battle?" said Ricky "I have the greatest bey passed down from my father."
"I wouldn't waste my time looking at your bey." said the cloaked boy with a evil look "But I know some who would."
Then he called a blader known as Perry. He wore a red jacket and had red hair.
"So I have to battle this wimp?" said Perry looking at Ricky.
"I'm no wimp and neither is Zeus." said Ricky, but then he realized something "You are from the Knight Slayers group aren't you?"
The Knight Slayers were a group of 50 bladers who wanted to rise to the top and crush all who would stand in their way.
"Of course I am kid." said Perry "You ready to battle Trickster Hermes T125 GF?"
Ricky attached his beyblade and was ready.
"3, 2, 1 LET IT RIP!!!!!!!!!" yelled both bladers.
All others in the park stopped blading to watch. Perry was attacking hard and Ricky couldn't keep up. Zeus was getting knocked around. Ricky had no idea how he was suppose to win this. He couldn't let everyone down. He decided to fight back as hard as he could. Zeus started attacking super hard. Hermes came close to getting KOed, but survived.
"Lucky shot." said Perry with a lot less confident
Ricky knew he could win this and did a trick his dad thought him.
"Zeus special move Lightning Arrow!" yelled Ricky
Perry didn't look scared at all.
"Hermes special move Wicked Trick." said Perry
Then Zeus's attack stopped and Hermes came through fast. Zeus couldn't even land in the stadium before it was hit again by Hermes. Then a something amazing happened. Zeus came out of the beyblade and started attacking Trickster Hermes. It was a Bit-Beast.
"Whats going on?" screamed Perry like a like a wimp
Zeus then struck Hermes with a lighting bolt and KOed it. The cloaked blader looked surprised to see that happen to one of his fighters.
"I won!" said Ricky with joy
"You did, but you will still have to battle me and another" said the cloaked blader "You ready Josh?"
The cloaked blader looked in the direction of a blader. He held out a beyblade. It was Wicked Apollo 230 PF (Polish Flat). Ricky looked right at him and got ready for another battle.
Ricky was standing face to face with a tall blader named Josh. Josh looked nothing like an Average Blader. He looked like a beast. The battle was about to begin.
"3, 2, 1 LET IT RIP!" screamed both bladers as they shot their Blades with all their might.
Wicked Apollo was stronger than Ricky thought. Every time it hit Ricky lost so much spin. Warrior Zeus started striking Apollo's tip, but for some reason it wasn't losing much spin.
"How is your blade surviving all these hits?" said Ricky
"It's a secret." said Josh with a smirk
Apollo jumped up in the air and came down so fast if you blinked you wouldn't have saw it happen. It landed on Zeus. Ricky's Zeus went flying. Both bladers new Zeus wasn't looking good. Ricky thought of one last thing.
"Use all your power and strike Apollo!" yelled Ricky with all his might
A miracle happened. Apollo went flying. Josh didn't looked worried at all.
"Apollo maximum burn!" said Josh with confidence
Fire started falling from the sky and hit Zeus. Ricky's blade got knocked out. Ricky stared at his blade on the ground. Josh and the cloaked boy both chuckled and walked away.
"It's okay to lose." said a short, nerdy looking kid "My name is Keith."
Ricky looked at Keith and smiled back.
"I guess your right." said Ricky "As long as I win the tournament."
Ricky and Keith started talking and decided to hang out. Keith said he was a blader to, but not that good.
"So do you know what the Knight Slayers goal is?" said Ricky with a confused look on his face
"Yeah." said Keith "They are looking for God Bit-Beasts... Roman God Bit-Beasts
Keith explained how there are different types of God Bit-Beasts. It is split to where have the God Bit-Beasts are Greece and the other have are Roman. The Roman Bit-Beasts are stronger.
"So all they want is power." said Ricky with anger "That means we'll have to stop them."
"It will be hard since we don't have a team." said Keith "But we could always get other strong bladers to join forces with us and defeat their strongest."
They both agreed on that idea. At the tournament they would find strong bladers to help them. The next day the tournament started. Both bladers were having no luck finding the right people. Ricky won his first three matches with ease. Keith also did, but the matches were really close. Keith used Spark Cat 100 HF. Nothing special. Now there were four huge stadiums with twenty bladers at each. The winner of each battle will go to the finals. It wasn't easy because there were a lot of other bladers in one arena.
"3, 2, 1 LET IT RIP!!!!!!!" shouted everyone
The battles were getting crazy. Keith noticed the blader in the cloak was in the same stadium with him knocking away all the opponents. He looked at Keith and his blade charged at his.
"Go Neptune!" said the cloaked boy
RE: Beyblade War Of the Gods - Dual - Jan. 25, 2013
Cool story but right spin version of lf=r2f. Anyway, one thing. The redundancy of the word wimp is making it sound a bit overused. Try to use synonyms to make the overall story flow better. Keep up the good work!
RE: Beyblade War Of the Gods - Thunder Dome - Jan. 25, 2013
Thanks a lot.
FYI this is not sarcastic.
RE: Beyblade War Of the Gods - Dual - Jan. 25, 2013
If that was sarcastic, I really think its a good story, I was just commenting on small details.
RE: Beyblade War Of the Gods - Super%Sayian - Jan. 25, 2013
it wasn't explained what the knight slayers goal was idk if your going to reveal that later or something but either way good story!
RE: Beyblade War Of the Gods - Temporal - Jan. 25, 2013
Hrm... It could use some grammatical work. There are more than a few missing commas. Honestly, the story would read a lot better if that was fixed.
Also: Change "pasted" to "passed" and "confident" to "confidence." Minor details, for now, seem to be the issue.
RE: Beyblade War Of the Gods - Thunder Dome - Jan. 25, 2013
Thanks for the help and the nice comments guys. I'll try my best to not mess up on those things.
Chapter 2 is up.
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